Ever feel like your houseplant is silently judging your every move? You’re not alone! Join me as I explore the hilarious possibility that my plant is secretly a green, leafy life coach.
Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there. You know, that moment when you’re scarfing down leftover pizza at 2 AM in your pajamas, and you glance at your perfectly poised houseplant, bathed in the gentle glow of a desk lamp.
Just me?
Well, that happened last night. And as I shamelessly devoured my third slice, I swear my peace lily, Gertrude, sighed. A deep, judgy sigh that seemed to say, “Really, Jessica? Again?”
The Case of the Wilting Witness
Okay, maybe I’m projecting. But ever since I adopted Gertrude, I can’t shake the feeling that she’s become a sentient observer of my life – and her opinion is… questionable.
Exhibit A: The Great Plant Droop of 2023. Remember that time I pulled an all-nighter to binge-watch that terrible reality show? Yeah, Gertrude woke up looking like she’d been dragged through a desert. Coincidence? I think not.
Are Houseplants Judgmental?
And it’s not just the late-night snacking. I swear, Gertrude has a sixth sense for bad decisions. That disastrous first date? Her leaves practically curled in embarrassment. My disastrous attempt at baking banana bread? She shed a leaf in silent protest (or maybe it was just the overripe bananas, but still…).
Here’s a list of things I’m pretty sure Gertrude judges me for:
- My questionable taste in music (apparently, 90s boy bands aren’t her thing).
- My tendency to overwater (sorry, Gertrude! I just want you to be hydrated!).
- My complete inability to keep a succulent alive (RIP, Steve the Succulent, you were too beautiful for this world).
The Verdict: Guilty as Charged (Maybe)
Look, I know, I know. It’s irrational to think my houseplant is judging me. Gertrude is just a plant, albeit a very observant one. But there’s a part of me that can’t help but feel like she’s a green, leafy reflection of my own conscience.
Maybe Gertrude isn’t judging me, but rather, inspiring me. To make healthier choices. To get more sleep. To finally learn how to properly care for a succulent. Or maybe she’s just judging my questionable taste in reality TV.
So, tell me, dear readers, do your houseplants judge you too? Or am I just losing it? Let me know in the comments!