The 5 AM Pact (Spoiler: It Didn’t Last)
My alarm clock blared a cheerful “Good Morning!” at the ungodly hour of 5 AM. Okay, maybe “ungodly” is a bit dramatic, but for someone whose idea of early meant hitting snooze until 7:59 AM, it felt pretty darn close.
You see, I’d made a pact with myself. I was going to become one of those mythical creatures: a morning person. The kind who sipped lemon water as the sun rose, already having meditated, exercised, and planned their day in a color-coded planner. I was determined to unlock the secrets of productivity and boundless energy that supposedly came with the territory.
- Day 1: “Okay, I can do this! I feel…slightly nauseous, but also powerful!”
- Day 3: “Why is the coffee maker making that sound? Is it broken? I need coffee.” *drinks coffee, still feels tired*
- Day 5: “Maybe I can just, like, transfer some of this sleepiness into a jar for later? No? Okay, fine, back to bed.”
The only thing I consistently accomplished before work was developing a caffeine dependency that would make a small village proud. My color-coded planner? Let’s just say it looked more like abstract art than a testament to organization.
The Great Granola Bar Incident of 2023
Then came the incident. The one that made me question my sanity (and possibly my future as a functional adult). It was Day 10 of my morning person experiment. I was determined to make a healthy, Instagram-worthy breakfast. You know, the kind with yogurt, berries, and homemade granola.
Except, in my sleep-deprived state, I may have…misplaced the granola. And by “misplaced,” I mean I poured an entire bag of chocolate chips into my yogurt, convinced they were the missing ingredient.